Homeschooling seems like such a wholesome, innocent idea: learning together within the bounds of hearth and home, right? No one ever told you it would be like this! (Or if they did, you didn’t believe them.) There is way too much to do, your children aren’t behaving and your own conduct isn’t that great either. How could something as simple as homeschooling feel like a ship out of control on a raging sea?!?

 

Well, number one, because “simple” is a lovely philosophy, but anything that involves people living and working together will include complications. And number two, if you were all robots, a program could be set and things would be ship shape. But you’re all dynamic living creatures on this vessel called homeschool, with minds and moods, hopes and dreams.

 

So what’s a captain to do?

 

If we take a tip from real life seafarers: when truly lost at sea, the priority is to stay calm and focused, then make a plan and signal for help.

 

Stay calm and focused

 

Staying calm and focused is easier said than done. When you have a gaggle of kids (or even just one) and you’re responsible for their education, pressure can mount. Add quirky behavior, a messy house and schoolwork not being completed, and serenity is hard to come by.

 

Constructive thoughts can help you regain a rational mind so that you can formulate a plan and know where to look for help.

 

You might want to use the “think sheet” (above) to help work through your thoughts and feelings. If you feel like you “just can’t cope for one more day!” try using the process given (example included on think sheet) which includes:

• Write down your original thought

• State the basis of your thought

• Rethink your thought and reword in less emotional terms

• List possible solutions

 

Analyzing your thoughts in this way can lead to a different outlook and empower you to react in a more constructive manner. When you have clarity, it is easier to formulate a plan and recognize what type of help you’ll need in reaching solutions. This is a very good start. There are other things you can do, too about the stormy waves of behavior, exhaustion and doubt.

 

Behaviors

 

You’re home together all the time. In dealing with your own feelings and the actions of your children, you might want to consider:

 

Their needs: To be listened to and understood, to belong (as they get older, to a group other than family), time to think, enough rest, some type of daily/weekly rhythm, security, help in thinking things through, help with academics, good nutrition.

 

Your needs: Time and space to think, enough rest, daily/weekly rhythm, emotional support, sharing the load to decrease pressure, good nutrition.

 

If your homeschool experience has turned into a rough and rocky ride, there’s a good chance that some needs – either real or perceived – aren’t being met.

 

It might be useful to take a look at universal patterns of human needs. One example is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:

1) Physiological (food, water, clothing, rest, shelter)

2) Safety (safe environment, financial and emotional security, stability)

3) Love and belonging (unconditional support, acceptance, connection with others)

4) Esteem (feeling of accomplishment, be respected)

5) Self Actualization (achieving full potential)

 

Working from bottom to top, we can all readily agree that the first two needs are obvious (food, water, rest, safety).  But it’s important to note that the next levels of need are also recognized needs that motivate behavior. Unmet needs can be the cause of difficult behaviors. Reviewing this list of needs might clue you in to unmet needs that are leading to challenging behavior.

 

The point is, every family member is living out this homeschool experience in their own unique way and one person’s view of a situation might be very different from another’s. You might assume that all of your child’s needs are met, but maybe your child doesn’t feel that way. If you can strive for mutual understanding that will help bring peace to the storm. And by all means, find the support you need whether that is a trusted friend, group encouragement from fellow homeschoolers or professional input.

 

For more discussion on this topic, look into chapters 3-5 of my (free) e-book, Five Essentials of Homeschooling where I affirm your challenging role as a homeschool mom and share some insight into unique needs of a homeschooling family.

 

Exhaustion

 

Being a mother, then a homeschool mother and possibly the homeschool mother of more than one requires a lot of energy. With children at different stages of development, consistent sleep might be hit or miss. School, meals, house upkeep and taxiing here and there all take effort. Add to this possibly some form of employment and you’re probably over the edge.

 

Physical exhaustion is one form of this debilitation. Good nutrition and adequate rest can resolve this. You might need to be creative about getting help to make this happen.

 

For instance, if nighttime sleep is sporadic due to interruptions, can you have someone (friend, neighbor, homeschool teen, relative, paid babysitter) come in for a couple of hours during the day so you can catch some sleep?  Can your older child watch your younger child while you take a 1 hour nap? Can you go to bed earlier or get up later? Keep trying for a solution because adequate sleep can make all the difference in the world. And hopefully, you can look ahead to the not-too-distant future when this situation will resolve itself (i.e.: the baby will sleep through the night).

 

If you just aren’t sleeping at night, there are many suggestions and strategies to be found if you search online. Ideas such as no electronics an hour before bed, writing in a journal or making a to-do list before sleeping to relieve anxieties, keeping your bedroom dark and cool really can help. Beyond such helpful suggestions, you might need to take your concerns to your health care provider. A sleep study or in-home sleep test might be recommended.

 

Mental and emotional exhaustion are debilitating, too bringing a greater challenge to homeschooling. The reasons for mental or emotional exhaustion are varied. As a homeschool mom, it is easy to take on more blame, stress and feelings of responsibility than is reasonable or healthy. Because are you managing the wants, needs, joys, complaints and education of each of your children, but it is easy to feel responsible for things that go wrong and feel at fault for not covering all of the bases. It might help to talk things out with a trusted friend or counselor. You are not solely responsible for every aspect of your family’s life. Sharing the load whenever possible will help things to go more smoothly and benefit your mental health.

 

Something else that might help is to remember that our bodies are designed to move. Although exercise is probably the last thing on your mind if you are feeling mentally exhausted, it could be one of the simplest ways to find relief. If you are feeling stressed, blamed and responsible while obligations pile up, all of that negative energy needs a place to go! Instead of allowing it to damage your well being, get out for a walk or a run, dance to your favorite music or try an online workout.

 

Remember, too, that nutrition plays a huge role in how you function and feel. Drive-throughs and convenience foods are most tempting when you are low on energy and motivation, but trying to stick with fresh, whole foods are an important part of a good plan for mental and physical well being. There are tons of blogs and recipes online to show you just how easy it can be to eat whole foods in cheap and easy ways.

 

Perhaps most importantly, if you are feeling exhausted for a period of time without the ability to recover, it would be wise to arrange for a medical check up to assess for underlying causes (for example iron deficiency or under active thyroid).

 

Doubt

 

Ah, that niggling voice of doubt that weaves surreptitiously through your thoughts day in and day out. Do you recognize it’s presence? If you feel lost on the crashing waves of the sea, I bet doubt is playing a big part in that.

 

Imagine yourself as captain of a ship. You have nautical instruments to keep you on course and a crew who is ready and able. When a storm starts brewing on the wide open seas, you know a challenge is ahead. But you’re confident: you know what to do and your crew follows your commands.

 

Now imagine a different scenario: You are the captain. Waves are becoming rough and you see a storm brewing. You start to wonder: “Are these nautical instruments are trustworthy?”  You questioned your ability to navigate. Crew members start crying out and complaining. The storm looming ahead is causing a crisis. Instead of keeping a steady hand and mind, everything feels chaotic and you are frightened.

 

Do you notice what the difference is in these two scenarios? Same captain, same ship, same storm, but in the second scenario, doubt crept in.

 

Doubt can affect your homeschooling success in the same way. Doubt can be a warning that something’s not right. But doubt, unchecked, can also sabotage your valid efforts.

 

If you are sensing doubt, then pay attention and handle it with logic. For instance, if you are terrible at math and are doubting your ability to teach calculus to your high school son, that doubt is valid. You can then decide another (effective) way for him to learn calculus. .On the other hand, if you are hounded by the vague feeling that you shouldn’t be trying to teach anything to your children, what is the basis for that doubt? Get to the bottom of that feeling and determine if it’s valid or not.

 

And can I let you in on a little secret? Every homeschool mom doubts her decision to homeschool and/or her ability to succeed at it. Choosing to homeschool means stepping away from what’s “normal” and daring to manage your child’s education. When professionals are already available and you are choosing something different, that’s intimidating.

 

You have reasons for homeschooling. What are they? Write them down and keep them handy! When doubting your decision to homeschool, go back to the reasons why you chose this path. If your reasons are strong and valid, illogical doubt will diminish.

Are you feeling more equipped now? I hope these suggestions will you stay on course. Here’s to smooth sailin’ ahead!

Lost on the Crashing Waves of the Sea Think Sheet PDF