We don’t hear much about being lost in the doldrums anymore: a windless experience on the Atlantic equator where sailors of old sat aimlessly for weeks, fighting discouragement, holding onto life. But today the term “doldrums” aptly refers to the blahs, stagnation, lack of inspiration, apathy that those doldrums induced.
Keeping with the seafaring theme, picture these two contrasting oceanic examples:
On one hand you have Russel Crowe in Master and Commander as ship captain Jack Aubrey. A picture of strength, he courageously fights the powers of nature and enemies, valiantly inspiring his comrades shouting, “For HOME and for the PRIZE!” They all spend themselves completely as they battle towards wild victory.
Inspiring!
On the other hand, you have Tom Hanks in Cast Away as a pathetic version of Chuck Noland the Fed Ex analyst, barely hanging onto life as he is washed ashore on a deflated raft onto a deserted island. He is alone.
Bleak.
Although I’ve veered slightly off the actual “doldrums” reference, I’m sure you get my drift 🌊. There’s the ecstasy of the life on the high seas, and there’s the agony of being washed ashore on a broken raft.
Often times (depending on where you get your information 😉) a homeschool mom is portrayed more like Captain Jack Aubrey, leading her pack to destiny (“for HOME and for the PRIZE!”) than poor old Chuck Noland (beat up by the elements and wondering how to get out of this).
However, many, many of us (all of us?) wind up in the doldrums of homeschooling at some point, even if no one admits it. Schooling lacks pizzazz or fulfillment for you, and your children are languishing. You wonder, “have I made a big mistake?”
Sop right there.Yes it is unpleasant and feels bad, it’s not what you had planned. But it also doesn’t have to stay this way. You can get out of this situation and much more easily than those poor sailors back in another century.
There are reasons why this has happened. Once they are identified, you can figure out what can be done to change the situation. I bet you can get the wind back in those sails and enjoy life on Good Ship Homeschool once again.
Try using the “think sheet” (above) to…ahem….navigate 🚢 your thoughts and figure out how you got caught in the doldrums.
Use the guide below to help identify your problem area:
Is it you?
Are you too tired?
Do you need more sleep?
If so, what is keeping you from sleeping?:
• Does sleep need to take higher priority (sleep instead of watching Netflix, reading an extra chapter of that luscious novel or grazing in the kitchen)? For some (ie: me!) this takes extra discipline. Once the kids are in bed you’re finally free from questions, needs and distractions. Sometimes late night is the only time available for working on projects or just plain relaxing. But if staying up a little too late becomes a habit, chronic tiredness will probably be the result.
• Do you need more exercise during the day? Exercise can be fun (think dancing or walking with a friend) and nearly always makes you feel better and improves sleep.
• Do you have trouble relaxing at night? Can you find solutions for that (yoga, no blue light 1 hour pre-sleep, calming bedtime routine, black out curtains, whie noise, natural sleep supplement)?
• If a baby or child wakes you each night, can you and your partner troubleshoot/share the burden? Can you find ways to help your baby acclimate to day and night? Here’s a helpful article about that.
Your health:
• How’s your nutrition? If you are tired all the time, you may be low on essential vitamins or minerals. You may need to revamp your food consumption (less processed food, for example).
• Do you need a health check up with your health care provider? There could be underlying issues causing your tiredness (such as iron deficiency or decreased thyroid function).
Are you discouraged due to lack of progress?
It’s really tough if your homeschooling efforts aren’t living up to your plans and expectations. Why do you think things aren’t progressing?
• Curriculum: Having the “wrong” curriculum can be a real bummer. You won’t want to teach and your children won’t want to learn this way. Is it too difficult for your children (having trouble grasping concepts) or for you (too dense or too much preparation required)? Is it too skimpy/not substantial enough? If it’s too simple, either your children won’t be learning what they should be learning or you are spending time and resources filling in the gaps. Does the curriculum match your child’s learning style? Your teaching style? Is it dull and uninteresting?
• Organization: Do you need to be more organized in order to help keep things moving along? Being disorganized is a real enthusiasm killer. You’ll feel like you’ve lost before you’ve even begun if you have to hunt for plans, papers, books and pencils. Temptation is great to clean the kitchen when all of the dishes are dirty. You’ll want to stop everything and catch up on the laundry when there’s nothing to wear. (And I probably don’t need to mention the sharp pain of stepping on Legos.) You get the idea.
There are all sorts of planners and nifty ideas online (blogs, Pinterest, Amazon, etc.). I also have a chapter on organization in my free e-book Five Essentials of Homeschooling (Essential #2). Check it out to see if anything might work for you.
• Diligence: Ugh, yes it is hard to be diligent all the time. But if you aren’t being disciplined about making school happen at least 75% of the time, you’re going to feel bad about it and your kids are going to be frustrated and not take you seriously. A recipe for doldrum living. If you’re starting and stopping and losing your place it’s so demotivating for all of you and it’s no wonder you aren’t making progress. So stand up tall, take a deep breath and resolve to make home education a priority starting now. Maybe even find someone to be accountable to.
Are you lacking enthusiasm for teaching?
The dictionary definition for enthusiasm is lively interest. If there is no lively interest on your part, then you and your crew may veer towards the doldrums and stay there. Although kids are naturally curious, they probably aren’t going to pursue a well rounded education without your input. Even unschooling and child-led learning needs to be bolstered by some positivity by the parent if it’s going to be effective.
Enthusiasm for teaching is partly dependent upon positive reinforcement. If your children aren’t responding to your teaching it’s difficult to want to continue. Think of ways to break this cycle: switch up your curriculum? Change styles of teaching? Try a unit study on a topic of interest?
If you truly think homeschooling is right for your family but you are not enthused about teaching then you may want to look at outside sources to help you along: local homeschool coops, online classes, community classes or classes offered by public or private school. You may be more interested in managing your child’s education (finding sources) than actually teaching all of the subjects.
Is it just hard to face it day after day?
Understood! We all probably feel that way, especially during certain seasons of life. Maybe it’s the fact that homeschooling is usually a choice that allows that nagging little voice which says, “this is too hard and I don’t have to do it.” And maybe you don’t. Maybe you can send all of your children to public or private school. The funny thing is, that will not necessarily be easier, just different. Outsourcing your education brings a whole slew of other problems and inconveniences.
So once you erase that option, how can you manage the day to day drudgery? How can you escape the devastating BLAH that happens when you announce, “time to do our schoolwork?” Well, you’re the one in charge – why not change things up a bit? Be daring and make learning fun by going on “field trips” more or having Netflix and Kettle Corn Thursdays (yep, educational Netflix is a thing- look it up!) , Working with Wood Wednesdays or whatever you can dream up!
Start your days earlier – or later. It’s up to you. Conventional ideas do not have to dictate your sleeping hours. If there are no outside commitments, maybe it would really help you to be undisturbed until 10:00 am each day. If you’re allowed flexibility, think outside the box.
Also, life is more than homeschool. Arrange your days or weeks so that you’ll have time carved out (even if it’s just 15-30 minutes a day) to pursue your own interests: a book club, side hustle, online master class, gardening, baking or reading what you enjoy. This can be challenging, but it might make a difference in your coping abilities. And it might sail you right out of the doldrums.
Are you sick of trying when it seems like nothing works?
First let me state the obvious: you probably don’t have to homeschool. If you’ve tried everything, nothing works and no one is happy, then maybe homeschool isn’t the best choice right now.
Having said that, however, there are lots of approaches to home education . Maybe there’s something that you actually haven’t tried:
• Explore different learning styles (visual, auditory, physical, etc.) and different teaching methods (classical education, Montessori, Waldorf, child led, etc.).
• Have your child professionally evaluated for learning disabilities (start with a medical check up and go from there or it also might be possible to go through the public school system- check with local homeschool groups for the procedure for this).
• Connect with other homeschool moms (locally or online) and compare notes. Maybe others are going through challenges similar to yours and can offer advice and encouragement. Sometimes you’ll find that things aren’t as bad as they seem once you hook up with other like minded moms.
Are you bored?
Maybe kids and homeschool aren’t your passion and you feel antsy staying home day after day. If so, it’s a wonder that you have chosen to homeschool. However, homeschooling may not be the reason for your feelings of boredom.
It is understandable if you’re teaching addition facts for the third time or you’ve already gone through a phonics program twice and now here you go again. Certain aspects of teaching at home are tedious. This can seem boring, but certainly not every subject for every child is this tedious. Is there a way to teach that would be more engaging for you? Forget about the classroom model of teaching that you may have grown up with: this is your home, your school, your kids and you are free to think outside the box.
Can you categorize your days to make them more interesting for you? For instance, school related work completed by noon, time for you to work on writing your novel or your political group’s newsletter in the afternoon? You may need to watch over your children all day, but your entire day does not have to center around homeschool. You have choices as to how you’ll spend each day and how you’ll pursue stimulating interests.
Boredom could have to do with your physical well being: do you eat well and get adequate exercise? If not, improving our food choices (more whole foods, less processed foods) and exercising (walks, runs, dancing, yoga) might diminish feelings of boredom.
How about friendships? Sometime a BFF can make all the difference in your daily outlook.
Is it your children?
Is your a child melancholy or disinterested?
If you’ve just begun homeschooling after your children have been in public or private school, they will need time to acclimate. It’s a different kind of life and it’s an adjustment. Melancholy can be a part of that process.
If you’ve been homeschooling all along, your child’s mood could be evidence of moving through a developmental stage and will not last. But if this mode continues, there may be other reasons: curriculum isn’t a good fit for their learning style, subjects are uninteresting, feelings of loneliness. Is your child online quite a bit? Doing what? (Monitoring is important!). Too much screen time – whether with online classes, entertainment or both – will suck the life out of anyone.
Is your child tired of doing the stuff at home and wants to be with friends instead?
As noted above, if your child is used to being in a classroom setting, homeschool will be an adjustment. Give it time. But even if you’ve always homeschooled, the desire to do things with friends is always understandable.
Many times always-homeschooled children feel as if they are missing out because they don’t go to school. Our adult perspective is quite different from theirs. We may see the blessing in avoiding peer pressure while they see lack of a social life as a disadvantage.
This is a very common dilemma and it has cropped up every year that I’ve homeschooled, so be prepared for that. Make sure you have honest, valid reasons for homeschooling and share them in a way that your children can understand and accept. For instance, emphasizing that you aren’t keeping them “from” something, instead you are allowing them to have more. (More freedom, more time, more interesting opportunities.)
Having other social outlets can help diminish this constant struggle: sports, group lessons, clubs, church, homeschool groups. Taking a class or two offered at a public or private school even might be worth considering. Helping your child pursue creative interests can help, too.
We all have a need to belong. Understanding this might help you remember to find ways to fulfill this need in your child’s life, especially when your child reaches middle school and beyond when their scope widens beyond the family unit.
Is your curriculum/plan of study uninteresting to your child?
There’s no need to linger with this problem. There are sooooooo many options when it comes to what/when/how you want your home education experience to roll out. What are your child’s interests and what are yours? For instance, if you both love farm life and you have chickens and rabbits, do a unit study on small farm animals. Much more engaging than a science text book and a math textbook. Take a little time to do some research on methods of homeschooling and see if there is a better fit – one that your children will enjoy — for your family. Becoming educated isn’t fun time all the time. But certainly, learning should not be dull.
(See my Lost in the Forest page for ideas on what to do about curriculum mid-year.)
Are your children tired?
Sleep needs are real. The National Sleep Organization recommends the following hours of sleep per night:
Infants: 12-15 hours
Toddlers: 11-14 hours
Preschool: 10-13 hours
School age: 9-11 hours
Teenagers: 8-10 hours (and also note that teens are biologically wired to stay up later, sleep in later)
That’s a good chunk of time each night that needs to be dedicated to sleep….and that’s actual sleep, not reading, writing, drawing or scrolling on the phone. Figure out when you want your children to rise in the morning, then count back the number of hours of sleep needed AND add on another hour before that for getting ready for bed. Bedtime rituals are key in getting to bed ready for sleep.
For example our current routine is: pjs on/brush teeth, read aloud a chapter from our current novel, tuck into bed with short prayer (and short conversation), set timer for 20 minutes of reading, lights out. We do this every weeknight.
You can have whatever routine you want! Just make sure it is relaxing and not energizing. And keep your timing right so they’ll get their needed hours of sleep.
Are you children energetic and have trouble settling down to do the work?
You’ll have more success if you work with this rather than against it. Young children should be energetic and if you’re having trouble roping them in, keep sit-down time to a minimum. I’m not saying let them run wild with no regard. I just mean that is probably unrealistic (and unpleasant for all) to expect young, energetic kids to sit down and study for long periods of time. There are devices you can try (wiggle seats or cushions) and here is some very interesting information and helpful suggestions on vestibular activities.
Try looking into educational methods that incorporate movement and exploration. If you have major concerns, arrange an evaluation. Start with a medical check up and go from there.
For older kids who have trouble settling down, make sure they have an outlet for physical energy: getting outdoors, being involved in a sport they are passionate about (soccer, gymnastics, horseback riding, tennis, swimming), at home activities such as basketball, badminton, dance even jump rope. Beyond activities to use up excess energy, try setting up a structured, designated study area (table, chair, office supplies) so that when it’s time to study, there’s a place for that effort.
Also, as frustrating as it may seem, some kids are wired to concentrate at different times than are convenient for you. If you can coordinate with that, things will go better for all of you. For instance, if your teen can knock out schoolwork more efficiently after dinner, let him do that. You can have time together during the day to go over concepts and assignments, then your child can do the individual work when he’s geared for that endeavor.
Assessing energy needs and finding ways to work those out in coordination with your plan of study could help bring more success to your homeschooling experience. And feelings of success and accomplishment are the antidote to feeling stuck in the doldrums.
“Other”
Notice on the think sheet that there’s a space for “other.” Are there things I haven’t covered? Feel free to let me know!
Resa @ LittleLostHomeschool . com
Lost in the Doldrums Think Sheet PDF